🚀 Join 47,000 Others. Or Don't. The Waitlist Doesn't Care. ✨

Pick Your Pill.
Pick Your Price. 💊

Three tiers of identical nothing, at three very different price points. That's called product strategy.

💊 Bluepill

For tourists. For the curious. For the hopeful.
$0
forever / forever
  • ✅ Access to zero features
  • ✅ The free tier of our newsletter (it's the only tier, we never send it)
  • ✅ One (1) sparkle on page load
  • ✅ The knowledge that you could have paid us
🔥 MOST BLACKPILLED 🔥

💜 Blackpill Prime

For the committed. For the purple-pilled. For the discerning.
$99
per month / per vibe
  • ✅ Everything in Bluepill, but purple
  • ✅ Identical content at a premium markup
  • ✅ Access to the Discord (inactive) and the Telegram (more inactive)
  • ✅ 47 sparkles per page load (up from 1, that's the tier)
  • ✅ Priority support from the unpaid intern (he responds instantly, he is never helpful)

🗿 Gigachad Infinite

For legends. For jawlines. For whoever has $999 lying around.
$999
per month / per aura
  • ✅ Everything in Prime, plus one (1) extra emoji ✨
  • ✅ Your name listed in the footer (the footer is scrollable)
  • ✅ A personalized cold shower (we email you the word "brr")
  • ✅ The founder's respect (non-transferable, non-existent)
  • ✅ Legally recognized as a co-founder in our hearts

Still Here? Join the Waitlist 💫

Tier not required. The waitlist accepts everyone. That's its whole thing.

Objection Handling 🛡️

"Is any of this real?"

The gradients are real. The orbs are real. The support intern is real in the way that a fortune cookie is a meal. Everything else is satire, including this sentence.

"Will you actually charge my card?"

Our entire billing system is the word "brr" in different fonts. There is no card. There is no charge. There was never a charge.

"Can I get a refund?"

Yes, immediately, automatically, retroactively. It's the only feature that has never had a bug.

"Why does the waitlist number say a different number every time?"

The waitlist is quantum. By observing your position, you have changed it. Please stop observing.